What you means to me

by Pavitri

When I sat down to writing this article on yoga I found myself getting caught up in beautiful words and concepts, moving away from the nitty gritty, the practical and tangible, the smelly and juicy stuff of yoga so to speak. It’s easy to move in the lofty realms of thoughts and ideas - they are much cleaner and neater than our own complex self.

So what is yoga to me as I live in the year 2004 as mother of two children with a business and a house to run?

A few years ago yoga for me mainly meant the time I was on my mat practicing asanas. I knew this practice somehow tied me to a bigger concept, to a way of life that moved way beyond the material. I longed for the wisdom the truth and freedom yoga held for me but I never consciously made an effort to find a more direct path. I drifted; I didn’t have much direction or focus.

But as they say, “When the student is ready the teacher will come.”

Two years ago at a ‘Body, Mind & Spirit’ fair I felt myself strongly drawn to the Satyananda yoga stall. First I felt resistance because I couldn’t identify with the people dressed in orange robes … but anyway, things started to happen very quickly from then on (I’m presently in the second year of the yoga studies programme)

Yoga now is not something defined to the yoga mat – well it never truly was I guess.

I am more conscious and focused. My desire to understand is not so much of a blur or vague feeling. I’m consciously applying the techniques and disciplines of yoga during my day. If I find myself getting bored for example or irritated I consciously begin focusing on my breath to bring me back into the moment and out of my head. This helps me to see what is rather than how I imagine things to be. It also reminds me to take one step at a time appreciating the journey as I go.

Changing the way we breathe can change the whole outlook on life. I notice that some days my breath is incredibly shallow and I hold my abdomen very rigid. Those days I feel very ungrounded and rather timid. Of course I’m not really conscious of this until I finally remember to pay attention to my breath and do a few rounds of yogic breathing (while waiting for the traffic light to turn green). The car is a great place for yoga practice really. I often sing Kirtans in the car too.

So my time ‘on the mat’, my time of disciplined practice of asanas, pranayama and meditation is still an essential part of yoga to me. Sometimes I have to remind myself how it all fits together, how this practice time fits into the bigger picture of yoga.

We probably have all learned about the health and purifying benefits of body and mind associated with yoga practice. But how can this time of asana practice become a spiritual practice? What does this mean?

Increasing awareness of the spiritual dimension in my life to me means an increased sense of truly feeling alive, of feeling joy, awe and wonder. Spirituality for me is to be able to glimpse the unmanifest potential of life, the power behind all things. It means to able to feel part of the majestic cosmic play and enjoy it as such and to wholeheartedly participate without attachment. In those moments when I know I’m not the doer, a sense of calmness and serenity comes over me and a quiet feeling of joy arises in me.

While my mind is racing, trying to solve myriad problems, analysing past events or planning future ones I can’t access this awareness. Instead I’m totally caught up in the world, as I perceive it.

My daily yoga practice helps me to increase my awareness of my physical body, my breath and the state of my mind. By practicing daily I create a habit of paying attention to what is, which I then carry through into my day. The gained physical well-being and increased sense of who I am helps me to approach others with more openness and less defences. I feel more giving and loving, more compassionate and less judgemental.

Very straight forward isn’t it? There is only one glitch to this – daily practice requires self-discipline and no amount of theory or good will is going to make it any easier. We find millions of ways to sabotage our self-efforts. For me this is an ongoing battle but a great opportunity to watch and get to know my mind.

Lately I’ve been trying to go with the flow and practice when I’m inspired, rather than fighting with myself. I still practiced most days, often at different times of the day and for various lengths of time. But the effect wasn’t very satisfying.

This ‘here and there’ seems to have had a watering down effect on the benefits and my ability to be focused. Speaking metaphorically, I felt like a knife with a blunt edge, never quite able to cut through the messy stuff. 

Two weeks ago I awoke early again listening to the conversation in my head debating pros and cons of getting up for yoga practice, when another voice made itself heard. It spoke in a very compassionate but humorous way. It said something like this: “Look, just surrender and accept that self discipline is an essential ingredient to life. It is fun to use it and a little bit of it can achieve a tremendous amount. So why complain? Celebrate! Stay light hearted and get on with it!”

Hari Om Tat Sat